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Will everyday ever stop being a battle? Will I ever be allowed to just be? Im sad Im angry Im happy Im alone Im loved Im feared Im hated. But most of all Im just numb. I dont know if thats good or bad anymore. I regret so much that it hurts to breathe most of the time. The ledge those pills the knives all look a little bit more inviting right now. Im trapt in a cycle I dont want of my own doing. I didnt have to rush. I didnt have to leave.I didnt have to....I chose to. Look at where its got me. Im so broken I cant tell one emotion from the other. I dont know how I should feel or at least act to feel anymore. I dont know anything and its all my own doing. Its all my fault and there is nothing I can do to change it anymore. I can smile and bare it though. Its what I deserve isnt it? For being stupid I deserve what I get. I should shut up and smile and stop complaining. I got just where I wanted to go. The middle of nowhere. I just had to learn the hard way. So I'll deal with it. I dont have a choice. Not anymore.