And that gives you the right to comment,eh?

So anyone who knows me, knows I have many many scars all over my body. I accept that people will look at me funny when I leave them uncovered. I am aware children may innocently ask "What happened?" and I will answer simply "I had an accident." This leaves them satisfied and the parents off my back. However,if you see me and I am out with my own children, you have no right to look at me and tsk at me like I am a monster.

I say this because early today we went out for a walk, its part of my therapy and the weather wasn't bad so off we went. James was clinging to Ryan, as even the grass is something weird to avoid to him and Leah was chasing a bug, because apparently its fun. So we are all entertained, everything is going well and then it happens. Now as I said I am used to stares and even questions, this one however holds a special place on my "Are you that fucking stupid?" list. This young mother comes up to me and says "Yknow my sister had that same problem as you do, shouldn't you be be in therapy? What if your kids hurt themselves because of seeing you cut yself? I can recommend a very nice institute for you." The last  part was directed at Ryan. I stared on at her blankly,Ryan facepalmed. Because,what do you say to that? What CAN you say to that that does not involve bodily harm or very long sentences of profanity? And since I only stared at her she turned to Ryan( my very loving boyfriend for those who do not know) and said "Oh...is he...yknow slow in the head?"

Now Ryan does not have a horrid temper, in fact he is the most patient person I know, except when someone says something like that to/about me. So he returns that amazing comment with "Ah no, but it seems you are, who are you exactly? I don't remember asking you over here for half witted advice." She tries to defend herself by saying she had experience with "this kind of problem" with her sister and the best thing to do for "them" is to put them somewhere "safe". In other words, this chit came up to Ryan and myself and told him point blank he needed to put me in a mental institution,for my own sake.

She also seemed to think this gave her the right to comment on the state of my body and mind,even when she doesn't know me from Adam.
Ryan asks her very politely to leave. She does and then comes back with more young mothers, do these people travel in packs? And they proceed to sit, talk in not so hushed voices and stare at us. So now there is a full on protest at our being here in a public place. I mean how dare I go out the door right? I might offend someone with my existence!

We stayed for 30 more minutes just to annoy them and left without further incident. The twins did not hear or see any of it, luckily.
But this makes me think about how many people actually see me and think this way. How many who have not made comment to me have made comments to others. More importantly though, how many people have been sent back to square one because of people like this? It chills me to even think of it.

I know you will stare at me, I know you can't help it. These scars of mine are very noticeable and I don't expect people to not look honestly. I have even been given very encouraging words by total strangers that have made me feel like getting out of my house that day was indeed worth it. I don't normally let ignorance get to me, but sometimes on some days, it does. Sometimes I do look at myself and see something ugly. See something broken.

So if I could put a message into this entry it would just be to not let things like that define you or define weather today was another day worth hanging on for. Sometimes we only get very small,droplike moments to hang onto. The best thing you can do with those is let them gather inside your heart and mind, build a lake,an ocean from those small drops. So that when something like this happens and you feel like you've lost today's battle you can dive right into those moments and let them push you forward. We don't get very many moments of real bliss or happiness in this life, so don't let those things or people that drag you downward control which moments you hold dearest.